How I Became Xaphan, Keeper of Hellfire, So My Colleague Would Fucking Stop Touching Me

Being a woman in the workplace isn't always easy. I'm 27, and I know I'm hot because my colleagues keep telling me, which was fine, until about a month ago, this utter asshole called Jeremiah started popping by my office "to say hello!

At first he would just mansplain me my job but then he started stalking me and eventually, groping me. I told him to stop, I warned him but he didn't listen. "Oh come on, just relax, it's fun!" he'd say. And then on the 18th of december, he tried to finger me under the table. I left and decided he needed to learn a lesson.

 

So I kidnapped Simon, his young son. He was sleeping at his mom's (Jeremiah's ex-wife). I took him to my place and sacrificed him to Zepar, grand duke of Hell and Lord of War, who understood me like no one else. He accepted to turn me into Xaphan, keeper of the furnaces of Hell.

 

The very next day, when Jeremiah showed up at work, crying, I grabbed him by the tie and before he could even say "someone kidnapped my son", I spat a perfect fireball right in his fucking face. He looks a bit like a microwaved version of Jared Leto now.

 

I love my new job, and Jeremiah hasn't touched me ever since.


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